untitled

Went to the gas station last night to grab a bottle of water. As I was paying—I believe the attendant was a black female—two black guys in typical hip hop dress entered. I was suddenly struck with fear. I didn’t break into cold sweats or hyperventilate; the reaction was purely internal. I couldn’t get out of their fast enough. I kept visualizing them robbing the store, pulling guns, wreaking havoc. Is it racist if your emotional response to a minority is abject fear despite your best attempts to the contrary? I’m not naïve. No one is impervious racism, bigotry, etc. but in this case there is a sharp division between thought and feeling. I know, in all likelihood they are just kids, and yet my emotional response is extreme. How do you fix that? How do you undo a reaction like that? What’s the cure, more black male friends??? I worry one day that I may have that reaction to someone I’m teaching. What will the solution be?? I feel contaminated.