Been away for a few days, enjoying the time I had with my girlfriend, but I'm a little distressed. Most of the visit went ok, but near the end I experienced virtual tantrums. In my head I lost my temper and shook her but never outside the boundaries of my imagination. This is one of the reasons I wanted to move away from her in the first place, learning to cope with that emotional harmonic is difficult for me because I have thrown violent tantrums in the past, never around her though. I've had a couple of major depressive episodes in my life and the last one expressed itself through screaming, crying, tossing, the kind of displays that tend to be a deal breaker in a relationship. If you've ever seen Punch Drunk Love--and if you haven't you should--my relationship to anger parrallels that of the Adam Sandler character. Regardless of the tempo of reality I experience anger as a slow creeping, crawling build, and when I explode people look at me with a "gee wtf was that about?" or "that uncalled for" look on their faces. She was unaware I was having these thoughts until a few days ago.
I'm making things sound worse than they are. We had a good time filled with sex, talking, eating, exercise (mostly me exercising) watching movies and more sex.
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