Broken Toe (?)

As I told my girlfriend, getting injured is really frustrating. I feel guilty for leaving practice. As if doing so calls my discipline and devotion into question, but that's silly. Is partially because I was receiving my usual asswhippin'? (To be fair I did a couple things right, I scored a take down via sweep ((major leg sweep--Oni gushi??)) I shrimped properly and although I got in serious do do in the last 3 minute roll* no one submitted me))
What I need to work on, in respect to gui, is not getting married to any one grip. You can't collar choke someone if you don't let go of a pistol grip, and I need to figure out which sub to go for in relation to particular guard passes.
But man was I overpowered, it's really difficult for to tell if I am developing grapple strength because everyone else always seems much much stronger than me (even the one guy who is smaller than me, but granted he is unusually strong for his size, to the point I don't think the larger guys realize how strong he is).
These of course are my usual concerns.

If the toe is merely jammed I should be fine within a couple of days. If it is broken, a nurse estimated approximately 6 to 8 weeks. I don't know what I'd do with myself. The idea of sitting out practice that long scares me. It makes me feel weak; moreso, it makes me feel impotent. I KNOW I need to rest the foot, but I have a hard time convincing myself to actually take that advice. I've always been obssessive about exercise, but I think since the rape--that's what it was not a robbery not an assault it was a rape damnit--the idea of helplessness has become particularly terrifying. Isn't it funny? In BJJ, I am rarely if ever in control--maybe that's why I got frustrated so offten--but I keep coming back to it, while the idea of being unable to go to BJJ nullifies any control what so ever...well it's not just BJJ it's the threat of not being able to do ANYTHING: crossfit, jkd,bjj, hell I can't even do a body flow or yoga class because I need that damn toe for balance!

Tomorrow I will go to my morning workout at the dojo. I am creative. Sifu knowledge of exercise is deep. There are plenty of BJJ drills I can do that don't require me to put weight on the foot. I will get through this. I've made it through worse, much much worse. BUT I HAVE TO STAY OFF THE FOOT TODAY



**Wednesday now has a begginner BJJ gui class conducted by our no longer MIA purple belt.