Motivation

For the last few weeks I've been lacking motivation for grappling. I've skipped more classes than I should have. I have a difficult time keeping a positive mindset. I'm dwelling on my deficiencies, and I try and try not to; but my god, there are days where it seems like I'm finding new weaknesses all the time, and not just that it seems like stuff I work on doesn't improve! This would be the basis for a great satire, a very cruel satire. I've been working on my fitness, but last wednesday, before I broke my toe, I really felt exhausted by a series of 3 minute stand/grapple drills. My heart was beating out of my chest. Why? I thought my cardio was better than that, not to mention my strength. Some of it is a matter of weight, but geez I'm always weaker guy!
It's hard to stay positive when you can't identify some sort of baseline positive! So I guess this was a venting session where I conclude by saying I have to focus on the little victories like doing a sweep while rolling (real) or hitting a major leg sweep on a much larger opponent (also real). Hell, the amount of energy it took for that major sweep surprised me. Any other minor victories of note? Um...well, I guess not breaking my toe is a major victory, heh. Anything else? My shrimp is improving...I have ACTUALLY submitted someone. I made it through a back escape drill with College Wrestler without getting tapped. It's a tall mountain.