Tournament of the Weird : The Gender Confrence

This starts at the weigh-in. I'd been joking with a couple of the instructors about fighting in the girls division. THEY had a 135 division.

Next Day.

I'd just finished off a Powerbar and some water when one of the refs (who trains with me) Asks me if I have any problems fighting a girl. I said no. "We got a girl without an opponent, would you be interested in doing an exhibition match. "Sure." Now this put me in a fix. If I lost to a girl, regardless of her ability, I'd get razzed about it. If I won, did it count? Could I tell myself this was a fair fight? It was an exhibition match, and clearly I had just discovered I had a sexist streak(a small one an inch long a piece of string wide), I mean really, "fair fight" that's a polite way of asking if it's fair to beat up on a girl and a little condescending. She was pointed out to me. Curly black hair poney tailed (standard female fighter look) cute. The ref called her to tell her the good news. (What did she think when she learned she was fighting me, I'd give a million bucks to have been in her mind at that moment). She looked at me; I bowed to her with my hands at my face and went to the ring.

I had her back for a while, her defense was good. We slipped into side control. I executed half of the lunge pin: her forearm trapped between my head and arm. I used my free hand to keep her other hand busy, my goal to position it to execute the lunge proper. After about 15 seconds I decided to transition straight to the Kimora lock. As Sifu M would say, move the hand like a paintbrush, so I painted....and painted...and painted. Her elbow was perpendicular to her body; it pointed straight to the ceiling. I was in disbelief. Did I have the lock? Had I gotten it backwards with my world famous jits-lexia? No. The lock was solid. I continued to paint. The elbow went past 90 degree (91...92 tops) I swear I heard/felt something pop; she tapped. "Are you ok?" She answered in the affirmative. A few minutes later, we chatted. She had traveled 90 minutes to be here, paid money, trained and trained. I knew exactly where she was coming from.

And by saying I didn't win any matches aren't I disrespecting everything she worked so hard for? Aren't I saying she doesn't count?

Thought: Maybe I feel unworthy, that I didn't deserve to beat her.

Shit, this is gonna wrack my brain for weeks